Bliss
by Caught Ink Handed
Summary: Morgana reflects on what her life has become and the identity of Emrys as she journeys to intercept Merlin and Arthur. Spoilers for Diamond of the Day. Definite hints of Mergana. One Shot


**Bliss**

**Prompt: Magic**

She could feel the sharp wind slicing through her dress, which admittedly had seen better days. Every nerve in her body felt on end and her hands were shaking ever so slightly. Mordred, dead. Her soldiers, dead. Morgause, dead. Uther, dead. Arthur, dying. Everyone, but her. Not counting that gods damned Emrys.

And Merlin.

But they were the same, now weren't they? Her lip curled in a sneer. Sweet, bumbling, innocent Merlin, the most powerful sorcerer in the world.

And yet Morgana kicked herself for not seeing it sooner. He was always around at the right moment. He always knew about magical creatures and items. Whenever he was around, Arthur was safe. No harm ever came to Arthur, or Gwen, or Gauis, or hell, even Uther when Merlin was around.

However, harm always came to her, whether it be emotional, physical, or mental harm. She was always the one who was sacrificed. And it wasn't only Merlin. Morgause was all too happy to allow Morgana to suffer if in the end they won the throne. Everyone wanted something from her.

She couldn't help but think back to her days in Camelot before she had magic. It was so much easier then. But then again it hadn't felt natural.

The only thing that ever felt remotely natural was Merlin. She didn't understand why at the time and hadn't for years. But now it was all clear. Merlin, no Emrys, was an immensely powerful sorcerer.

Why hadn't he ever said anything? Why did he allow her to wallow in the darkness?

All of this really was his fault.

Did he know how many sleepless nights he caused her?

'It's because, deep down, you still have feelings for him,' an annoying voice reminded her.

"No, I don't." She said aloud, her voice the only sound for miles. She continued towards the lake, ready to intercept her brother and seek revenge.

Merlin's goofy, smiling face kept floating before her eyes. The same boy who brought her flowers and helped a poor druid boy. But also the same boy who poisoned her without a word. And then begged for her forgiveness afterward. The same boy who let her feel as if she was all alone in the world.

The same man she had fallen in love with.

But love was for children and she was Morgana le Fay, last High Priestess of the Old Religion and rightful heir to the throne of Camelot.

A small thought wriggled it's way into her mind. A small cottage in the woods, a couple of dark haired, high cheekboned children running around, and a smiling Merlin standing in the door, that tell tale grin just for her.

She shook her head. She couldn't afford to think like that. That life was not an option. A strong gust of wind burst through the trees. Her cheeks stung with a cold dampness and she hurriedly brushed away the tears that had appeared. A hiss of air escaped her lips and she squeezed her eyes shut. Merlin had stolen too many of her tears already. She thrust out a hand and a nearby tree burst into flame.

She tried desperately not to think about Merlin, and his kind eyes, and wry laughter...No. She would not think any longer about him. He lied to her for so many years, let her suffer in the darkness alone.

She could almost hear them now.

She wipes the tears once more from her face and slips into the mildly insane persona she's been wearing of late.

"Hello Emrys." (THIS MIGHT BE A GOOD PLACE TO STOP, BUT I'M GONNA KEEP GOING JUST FOR THE HECK OF IT)

She threw out her hand and Emrys crumpled. She turned back to her dear brother and was forced to fight against all of the memories she had with him; kicking each other under the dinner table, sword fighting, making fun of Uther, and all of their adventures. No, she could not afford to think like that.

Arthur weakly tried to lift his legendary sword, but was unable to. "What a joy it is to see you, Arthur. Look at you, not so tall and mighty now." She scoffed, smirking down at her brother. "You may have won the battle, but you've lost the war. You're going to die by Mordred's hand." A pang of guilt rang through her at the boy's name, "But don't worry, my dear brother, I won't let you die alone. I will stay and watch over you, until the wolves gorge on your carcass and bathe in your blood." She shot Arthur another simpering smile and he shuddered slightly beneath it.

"No," Merlin spoke up, "the time for all this blood shed is over." Morgana turned to face him, a flash of the young boy who first came to Camelot still left in his cold eyes. "I blame myself for what you've become…." She wanted to scream at him, yell until her voice went hoarse, but for some reason she couldn't. "But this has to end."

"I am a High Priestess. No mortal blade can kill me," she declared smugly. But Merlin moved quickly and pain like she had never known spread through her body.

"This is no mortal blade." He said in a choked voice, "Like yours, it was forged in a dragon's breath."

He caught her in his arms and she couldn't help but remember the last time he had held her. She had been dying then too, but Morgause had saved her that time. This time around she had nobody. Nobody would care when she died, in fact there would probably a celebration throughout Camelot that the wicked witch was dead.

Perhaps Merlin would care.

He had such nice eyes, very kind, so very blue. He would be the last thing she saw.

And all in all, that wouldn't be too bad.

She wanted to tell him she had always loved him, but the pain was too great.

She could just barely hear him whisper, "Goodbye, Morgana."

And she knew no more.

And it was bliss.

* * *

**This was the result of merganas Mergana Prompt Party on tumblr. The prompt was magic. Please check out the-darkness-to-his-light 's wonderful followup to this on her tumblr. Her help was invaluable!**

**So dark, introspective drabble like things seem to becoming my norm. Ah well, I hope you all enjoyed my first Merlin/ Mergana fic!**

**As I told my darling friend, Maddy: Don't be too cool to review. **

**Review, my lovelies! **

**CIH**


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